Darla Weaver's Testimony
Article as seen in Caring Magazine
May/July 2005 Edition
For 17 years, Randy and Darla Weaver have been U.S. Missions chaplains to rodeo
cowboys. Currently, they pastor Lone Star Cowboy Church in Montgomery, Texas. They have two children: Shiloh, 16, and Caleb, 13. Darla works in the local pregnancy
assistance center and is the post-abortion director for post-abortion counseling and
education, This article is taken from a message she preached at the Assemblies of God
headquarters in Springfield, Missouri, in 2004.
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| Although I was raised in a church-going family, as a
child I was sexually abused by three different men
outside of my immediate family. However, the hardest
thing I have ever had to overcome was in February 26,
1983, when my oldest son, Joshua was killed in an
abortion clinic in Austin, Texas. I cannot tell you how
many times I have given my testimony and this part
chokes me up every time because it hurts so much. When my child died I wanted to die too, even though I
was only 16 years old. Something inside of me
snapped and broke, and I spent the next 18 years of
my life with what I found out later was |
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My days of mourning were ended because God
said so. I didn't have to hurt anymore for a baby I
was so sorry I lost.
New Ministry
Randy and I have been in rodeo a very long time,
but in 2003 God said to me, "I want you to do
something new."That is when I became director
of the post-abortion ministry in our county. I am
now taking a need God helped me with out to the
people.
Women need help. One in six women has an
abortion. Forty percent of |
post-abortion
syndrome. When Joshua died, I knew he went to heaven, and I knew I was going to hell. So he became
the carrot on a stick that made me start
looking for God. I gave my heart to the
Lord in Temple, Texas, in a small
Baptist Church in 1985. Three years
later I met Randy and we were married.
Randy had no knowledge of what kind
of life I had lived before I met him, so he had no idea
of what he was taking on when he married me.There
were many things he had to walk through with me. I
am so thankful for a God-fearing man who is stable because when I was going up and down with my
emotions and problems, he just stayed stable through it all. |
"Lord, I have had enough. I
want to love people. I want to feel again.
I have been numb toward
people for such a long time. Help me!" |
those women have had multiple abortions. It is not uncommon for these women to have two, three, four, five, six, 15
abortions. This is a national problem and a
worldwide problem.
Who are we who have had abortions? We are
moms. We are ministers' wives. We are aunts.
We are sisters. We are the women in the checkout
lines. We are sitting in the audience right next |
Post-Abortion Syndrome
Post-abortion Syndrome is defined as the "chronic
inability to process the painful thoughts and emotions
crisis pregnancy and abortion; it is the chronic
inability to process grief or loss; it is the chronic
inability to come to peace with God, yourself, and
others."
Ministers' wives do not have abortions - But I was the
minister's wife. I could not love or feel love because
of the scars on my heart.I could pray for people and
see the saved and healed. I could say everything I
needed to say and God used me. However, inside the
deepest recesses of my heart, there were doors that
were closed and there were things I did
not
want to
look at, things I did not want to deal
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to
you. We are your neighbors. We are everywhere. And you do not even know it because women are
so terrified others are going to find out and judge
them and reject that they do not tell anybody.
And people do judge, I am sad to say.
What is the church going to do about these
walking, wounded women? At our church we are
keeping it in front of the whole church. As the
director, I am trying to implement the
post-abortion ministry in other churches. It is
easier to sweep this problem under the rug. But
do not let that happen. We need to keep it out
there.
Memorial Wall
We have a memorial wall that we set up on our church grounds to |
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with because they were
too painful; they just hurt too badly. Finally I came to
the point where I said, "God break whatever it is inside
of me. I just want to be broken."
That is when the doors started opening. When you
tell God to break you, to open those doors in the
deepest part of your heart and let Him see those
wounds inside of you, He is going to do it. |
She replied, "There are thousands
of women like you who are hurting, and
they don't even know there's help." |
enable women to place
their babies' names on
the wall after they go
through the bible study.
God wants healing.
When you have a focus for your grief you are
better able to grieve. Through this wall God gives
these women a focus for their grief. They are
allowed to name the child.When they do name
their child, all of a sudden, their grief |
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Open Wounds
Randy's dad had a horse that ran into a fence and
sliced her leg wide open. He took her to the vet who
sowed her up. A week later the wound was totally
infected, so Randy's dad took out the stitches. The
wound opened and began to ooze, which was the best
thing that could have happened because it began to
heal from the inside out. The horse healed and the
scar is so small it is barely noticeable.
That is what God wants to do with us. He wants to
take the stitches off the outside that people see that
makes us look pretty. He wants us to open up and He
wants to tell us, "Let Me heal you from the inside out.
It is going to be ugly; it is going to hurt; it is not going
to be pretty. But when it is done you will be healed."
Randy and I went to a Bible bookstore
one day. I had just been praying , "Lord,
I have had enough. I want to love people. I want to feel again. I have been numb toward people for such a long time. Heal me! I looked down a row of books and said, "Okay, God,
give me a book on loving people and when I am
finished reading it, I will love people and they will love
me." I saw a book called Won by Love and I thought, That's it. I will win people by love. I picked up the
book .It was the Norman McCorvey story, who was the "Jane Roe" in Roe v. Wade, (the law legalizing
abortion) and how she became a |
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goes from
something intangible to something tangible, and
they can complete the healing process. They can
finally turn loose of the pain associated with the
abortion. We have 55 names on the wall right now
and we have 19 more we are getting ready to put on the wall. Every year we
add names.
Inner Healing for All
Galatians 6:1-2 reads: "Brothers, if someone is
caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should
restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you
also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens,
and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
We have been talking about healing from
post-abortion syndrome, but this is not about
abortion only. This is about wounded people who
cannot walk past their shame and hide it. They
show up for work, they come to the altar, they pray and they beg God week after week for healing.
They go to their pastors for counseling. But to get
help they need to open up. This is the hard part.
I want to encourage you, if you have had an
abortion, if you have caused a woman to have an
abortion, or if you have a shame in your life, you
are the ones who need to open up and get healing
and be restored and come back to the altar. Then
you need to turn |
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Christian. I just
started shaking and said, "Oh, God."
God said, "Buy it."
After I brought the book home it
took me two weeks to get the |
"Yes I was a tremendous wreck,
But God healed me." |
around and give it to the next
person. Because if God puts His life into you and
it goes no farther than you, you become a stagnant
pool. My Bible says we are supposed to be a river and go on and give Christ's life to the next person. |
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nerve up to read it. But
when I finally sat down to read it I wanted to throw up. It was so hard. However, that is when my healing
started. That is when God took the stitches off my
wound and I was opened wide open. I was near
hysteria.
I called my local pregnancy center and talked with a
counselor as it suggested in the book. She said, "You
are totally normal."
I said, "I'm normal? It's normal to hurt like this?"
She replied, "There are thousands of women like you
who are hurting, and they don't even know there's
help."
In March of 2002, I was able to get in their
post-abortion Bible study called Forgiven and Set
Free. That was the best Bible study I had ever been
through because I was able to deal with each level of
my emotions individually. It was incredible. At the
end of it, God gave me a scripture verse: "Thy sun
shall no more go down; neither shall thy moon
withdraw itself: for the Lord shall be thine everlasting
light, and the days of thy mourning shall be ended"
(Isaiah 60:30, KJV).
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There Is Hope for Tomorrow
I was a mess. Randy said to put in my notes I was
a "tremendous" mess. Yes, I was a tremendous
mess, but God healed me. Therefore, there is hope
for you.
I asked God, "What am I here for? What is my
purpose in life?"
God said, "Your purpose is to give people hope."
I love you. Thank you.
Darla Weaver
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